The underage will inherit...

Various Campus Eateries Ethnic Features: Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, Italian, Thai, Middle Eastern, Ethiopian Cost Per Person: Varies Location: all within, or close to, walking distance from campus

I know you freshman are all raving to go to the glory hallelujah frat parties and to the praise-be-to-god kiddie bars and to get yourself a holier-than-thou fake ID. But there's more to life at Penn than pretending to be someone you're not.

Okay, maybe there's not, but there's another aspect that you should explore. The real stuff, right? We have a word for it: Asymptoting: being as close to 21 as possible without actually being 21. There's an air of sophistication, of knowing that you're not acting like a freshman, of being one with the bitter upperclassmen who are pissed about not being able to find a job with a major in Folklore.

I know what you're asking. "Where would a typical West Philly 21-year-old go for dinner?" Your mind fills with thoughts of Cavanaugh's, or Smoke's, or an underground frat that only upperclassmen frequent.

Here's a list of the bars where you can best practice the theory of asymptoting:

Beijing (Chinese) -- Right next to the Quad. Four words: Garlic chicken with eggplant.

Bento Box (Food Truck, Japanese) -- Behind Annenberg. Yeah, it's a food truck that sells sushi. It's fast, cheap, and I'm still alive.

Boccie Pizza and Salad (pizza) -- 4040 Locust. A variety of gourmet pizza, sandwiches, and pasta. The tiramisu is good too.

Chats (Lots of stuff) -- 1920 Commons. Coffee, Mexican, pizza, deli, etc. The unabridged answer to: It's midnight, and you have no money ... what do you do?

Dahlak (Ethiopian) -- 4708 Baltimore. Accessible by Penn Transit. You sit at basket tables and eat food with your hands.

39th Street Hong Kong Cafe (Chinese) -- 39th St. between Sansom and Chestnut. Save yourself a trip to Chinatown.

Le Bus (Cafeteria/Deli) -- 34th and Sansom. Pretentious and trendy, yet not too pricey. Check out the bakery. It's hip. It's fresh. It's fattening.

Mad 4 Mex (Mexican) -- 34th and Sansom. I haven't been here yet but I hear it's good. Plus, I forgot the name of the other good Mexican restaurant on 40th.

Pattaya Grill (Thai/French) -- 40th and Chestnut. Try the Pad Thai and Thai Iced Tea and French desserts. Catch the early bird specials.

Pizza Pit (Pizza) -- Lower Level, Houston Hall. Good, bad, and different.

Rami's (Food Truck, Middle Eastern) -- 40th and between Spruce and Locust. If you don't eat meat, this is a good place to go. If you eat meat, this is still a good place to go.

"What???" you ask. "There are no real bars here! This is all a ploy to get me to read about good restaurants in West Philadelphia! " Honey, if this is the first time you've been fooled, then welcome to the big bad world of college. You see, most people eat real food for dinner (not that pretzels and a pitcher of beer don't appear in the U.S. RDA), regardless of age. I'm just suggesting that before you head for that greasy cheesesteak, it might be worth your while to try some greasy Chinese for variety.

Being 21 is all hype anyway. Like when they told you how awesome Calculus 151 would be in DRL. It's all hype.

Please E-mail StreetWeb@dp.upenn.edu with any questions or comments.