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Yet another strong female lead forced to wear skimpy outfits by The Man. |
He-Man: I am Adam, Prince of Eternia, but you may know me as He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe.
She-Ra: And I am Princess Adora, Adam's sister. You may know me as She-Ra, He-Man's feminist counterpart.
Both: And we're here to review the Cartoons of the '80s homepage!
(Both raise power swords and are enveloped by swirling rays of light.)
She-Ra: Dear brother, what, pray tell, is the Cartoons of the '80s homepage?
He-Man: Well, She-Ra, back in the '80s, before we were put into syndication, there were a lot of really popular cartoons, such as Rainbow Brite, The Care Bears, Gummi Bears, The Smurfs, Danger Mouse, and Go-Bots. The Cartoons of the '80s homepage is a collection of links down the lane of animated nostalgia.
She-Ra: I used to watch a lot of cartoons before I was kidnapped by the evil Hordak and taken to Etheria.
He-Man: Oh, She-Ra, does the phrase "Get over it" mean anything to you?
She-Ra: Shut up, you pig.
He-Man: Anyway, let's move on, shall we? ... Quick, to the Internet Mobile!
She-Ra: This reminds me of the time when I was forced to work as a henchwomyn for the evil Hordak.
He-Man: I said shut up with that! I'm not listening la la la la la...
She-Ra: As I was saying... once in awhile I used to watch some of these shows. One of my favorites was Thundercats. Hey! It's a Thundercats link. Let's click.
He-Man: Didn't you ever think that Thundercats was just a pathetic rip-off of my show? I mean, my sword was way bigger than his!
She-Ra: I'm going to download a .wav from the page. Aww. Oh, the innocence of my youth! I wonder what outtakes means. Whatever.
(She-Ra plays the newly downloaded Thundercats .wav.)
Snarf: You've gotta snap out of it Lion-O! Call the Thundercats before...
Lion-O: Shut up you f*ck!
She-Ra: Oh. Well, that wasn't very nice.
He-Man: Shut up you f... uhhh...
She-Ra: Let's look at a new page. Oh, Adam, look, Jayce & The Wheeled Warriors. You used to like that show. Remember, with all the girls... and the long hair... and the... uh...
He-Man: Just shut up. Aw yeah, Transformers! More than meets the eye!
She-Ra: You know, Cartoons of the '80s is not maintained well, and the frames are yucky. Plus, it's just a list of shows, some with links, and a few pictures.
He-Man: Yeah. I had a hard time finding some of the shows I was looking for, like The Cabbage Patch Kids and My Little Pony.
She-Ra: But they're on the list. What's the point of having a list of old TV shows when you can't look them up? That's like having a stupid green scaredy-cat instead of a rippling, muscular horse that can fly.
He-Man: Stop! I don't know why you keep on picking on me. I mean, didn't I give you your power sword in the first place? And help rescue you from Hordak? You're just jealous 'cause I have Teela.
She-Ra: Oh come on. I'm obviously superior to you. I mean, check out the stats. You: Super Strength, Super Agility, and Battle Cat. Me: Super Strength, Super Agility, my horse Swift Wind, Animal Empathy, Animal Healing, and the sword that does different things. Plus, my supporting cast was much better than yours.
He-Man: What, you mean, like Peek-a-blue and Castaspella?
She-Ra: Okay, fine. Well, Hordak could change his body parts into machines, as opposed to Skeletor, who was just a guy with a skull for a head.
He-Man: Ahh!! I told you never to say that word.
She-Ra: What? Skeletor?
He-Man: Ahh!!
She-Ra: Skeletor!
He-Man: Ahh!!
She-Ra: Skeletor!
He-Man: Ahh!!
She-Ra: Heh heh heh.
He-Man: My favorite bad guy was the one from Silverhawks -- the one who rode on a giant orange squid. How weird is that?
She-Ra: I like the Misfits, from Jem and the Holograms, with the lightning bolts painted on their cheeks. They were tubular.
He-Man: Tubular? Where did you hear that word?
She-Ra: From Radley, one of the characters on Beverly Hills Teens.
He-Man: One of the more obscure '80s shows, I take it.
She-Ra: Oh wow, G.I. Joe! Hey, the link doesn't work!
He-Man: You know, even though this page looked cool from first glance, the potential of it all is ruined by its outdated links and the lack thereof.
She-Ra: But it's better than nothing. Look at all the fun we had.
He-Man: This brings us to our moral of the story. We learned that my sister is in fact a lesbian.
She-Ra: What!?!?
He-Man: C'mon, there was only one good-guy male on the show, and everyone knew he was gay. Me, Orko, Man-at-Arms...
She-Ra: Man-at-Arms is such a loser name! And don't start with your orgies.
He-Man: At least we had fun. All the women on your show did was kick men's asses.
She-Ra: Yes. And one day womyn shall claim their place as rulers of this world! So now you know.
He-Man: And knowing is half the battle.
She-Ra: You ripped that off from G.I. Joe.
He-Man: Doh!
She-Ra: And you ripped that off from The Simpsons. Can't you say anything original?
He-Man: Yabba-dabba-doo!
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