T h i r t y - F o u r t h

WWW Site of the Week:

Walter Miller's Homepage

It has no pictures, no Java, and no frames. It's just a herd of text with typos, grammatical insanity, and links to weird things. And no, it's not Meng Weng Wong's homepage.

The critically acclaimed website, Walter Miller's Home page (http://pages.prodigy.com/Hell/walter) is exactly what one expects to find on the Internet every day but never does. Blood, pus, abuse, and heinous bodily odors exist merely as a tool for this suppressed young man to vent a writing ability that might remind one of the dialectal style of Mark Twain and William Faulkner.

Most personal homepages contain autobiographies that attempt to prove the creator's psychotic derangement. However, the obsessiveness and disgust this site permeates prove the derangement of Walter's grandfather, instead.

While most of the pages talk about Walter's interesting adventures in a Texas trailer while lancing his grandfather's boils, the poor guy also covers three other subjects: his self-image problem; being "the only person in the world married, diworced [sic], paying allimony [sic] AND child support and is still a virgen [sic];" and the wedgie. Not surprisingly, Walter Miller is the proud maintainer of The Wedgie Page, where he defines all sorts of wedgies, from the classic to the centrifugal.

One of the most remarkable concepts of his site is the updates section. Not only are the updates more extensive than the main page, but they exist because people keep coming back for more. Walter comments, "Oh yes it seams many others like to read about what's up with the missorable [sic] mean nasty gristly old basterd [sic]."

Included in the updates are the Walter Miller FAQ, the poetry version of his homepage and even a Star Trek spoof. Most of the updates are in regard to the grandfather's new revolting habits, such as mixing a certain yellow liquid in the orange juice carton and scanning his butt on the computer.

By the way, if you haven't figured it out already, Walter Miller's Home page is a bunch of crap. It looks crappy, the authenticity is crappy and the grandfather is a crappy bastard. But do not be thrown off by its perverse content. If you cultivate an interest in psychology, literature, health care, or sadomasochism, then Walter Miller's Home page will be an enlightening, if not sic, site.

--Jennifer Estaris


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